If you can drive in India you can drive anywhere in the world. Your reflexes have been honed by the need to respond with split second accuracy to cycles/animals/urchins that will appear suddenly and as though by magic. You become equipped with extra sensory perception and can predict exactly when that auto driver in front will decide to perform a right turn while overtaking from the left, perform a full U-turn in the middle of the road and so on.
Driving in India keeps the brain agile! You may also be driving yourself into a coronary and an early demise but that is BTW. Driving in India means the following:
Honking – don’t let anyone hold you back
When waiting at the intersection (yes we sometimes go crazy and actually stop at a red traffic signal) there are those poised with their hand on the horn. The nanosecond the light turns green, a cacophony of honking ensues so that those with their nose in their phone and those who decided to take a bit of a nap can get a b***dy move on. This practice keeps all the other jokers alert and on their toes and improves our own eye hand coordination.
Bumper to bumper – your neighbour will see you through bad times
Elsewhere, this term is used to denote very, very heavy traffic. In India this is used to describe everyday traffic where people will cheerfully tailgate people in front of them whether or not traffic is heavy… just because! After all we are affectionate people; we don’t mind being really, really close to others. All this disregarding of concepts such as personal space and irrelevant traffic rules – bhaichara badhta hai!
Right of way – getting ahead in the competition of life
Imagine extricating yourself from that logjam – if that doesn’t hone problem solving skills I don’t know what will! The right of way is always mine if I am driving. And yours if you are, of course. We must each of us do our best to cut in in front of the other, inch past and get ahead of if only by half a foot… for that is the essence of victory, my friends. Driving in India is all about being a winner; learning to be an achiever!
The traffic signal – learn to follow your gut and instincts
Stopping at the traffic signal is a suggestion or an indication; not a mandatory rule to be followed. Sometimes the lights will work; at other times, not. We can decide to stop or not based on whether we are inclined to do so, whether we’re running late or whether the vehicle in front of you does the same. It’s all very intuitive… all very Zen you know.
Niboo-mirchi to protect us – faith in the almighty will help you be strong
ABS? Rs 50,000 extra for airbags? Nah! In God we trust! That and the scary demon face and/or a few condiments tied up with string which did very well for our forefathers. What do we need those new fangled things for! Driving in India reaffirms our faith (in more ways than one since we manage to arrive home unscathed most days) and lets us carry on with our fine, time honoured traditions!
