She is arguably India’s most successful crossover star – she is not just a Bollywood star but a well-known actor in the West for her film and TV roles as well. Priyanka Chopra needs no other reference wherever in the world she is. However, recently she was referred to as the ‘wife of Nick Jonas’. How is it that women are still referenced to in relation to the men in their lives? Priyanka Chopra also had this same question.
She is older than him. She is much more successful than him. She is also better known all over the world, as per this objective assessment: her 71.8M followers versus his 31.9 million Instagram followers. And yet, her identity is tied to that of her husband. She posted this Instagram story pointing out how this still happens to women – even someone as successful and famous as herself. The fact that this happens while Priyanka Chopra is promoting her latest film, which is the fourth edition of the iconic Matrix franchise, makes it even more inexplicable.
A woman's identity is tied up with that of the men in her life --- as a daughter, wife, sister, mother. She isn't just a person, but someone defined by the men in her life. This is a phenomenon that Chopra had called out earlier as well when she was on the Wendy Williams show. When asked about ‘Prince Harry’s girlfriend’, Chopra quipped “Also, Meghan Markle, actress, ‘Suits,’ her achievements!” By this, she was referencing Markle’s successful TV show and simultaneously decoupling her identity from that of her significant other.
This constant hyphenating of women with their male relatives is all around us. Forms ask us to fill in father/husband’s name. A woman marries and adopts not only her husband’s home as her own but also his name, his family and his name as her own. This expectation exists everywhere. When she is introduced to someone, it is always as so and so’s daughter/sister/mother etc.
When men are asked to respect women, they are asked to view those women as their mothers or sisters. Men are asked to think – what if someone behaves with your mother or sister the way you do with other women? This is a little bizarre because the implication here is that women don’t deserve respect unless they are related to other men in some way. Even the so-called Bro Code will mandate that guys must steer clear of going after sisters or girlfriends of their friends - all others are fair game, apparently. Here again, agency does not vest in the women, but in the men that they are connected to.
Yes, women are sisters, daughters, mothers etc. However, these are incidental descriptors and not central to a woman’s identity as a person first and a woman later. A woman is her own person and not an adjunct to all the men in her life. By constantly asking men to view women as someone else's sister, wife, mother or daughter, we are asking men to attach value to those relationships rather than those women.
A woman is worthy of respect for herself, not because of her connection to a man. When society understands this concept, we will see many of women’s safety issues starting to get resolved. We will understand that women don’t have to simply perform roles as mother/sister/wife/daughter – they can choose to do and be whatever they want regardless of the men in their lives. We will also have fewer clueless people speaking about successful women by referencing the men in their lives.
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