In India, we observe 1st July as Doctor’s Day – the birthday of famous physician Dr Bidhan Chandra Roy – as a day to acknowledge the contributions of doctors to all our lives. This year, in particular, people expressed their support in view of attacks on doctors and because of the way they are often harangued. While people may now be more sensitive to the stresses of doctors, Bollywood has usually presented doctors as uni-dimensional characters mouthing the same old lines; often performing the most bizarre procedures. There are plenty of WTF Bollywood moments involving doctors:
Three men are simultaneously donating blood to one woman. All three are her sons – but none of them knows it. The blood defies gravity to go up into a bottle and into the veins of the unconscious woman. In the background, Mohammed Rafi enlighteningly croons खून खून होता है पानी नहीं (blood is blood, not water.)
The eternally unhappy Bollywood mother Nirupa Roya went blind in Amar Akbar Anthony because of a knock on the hand. Then the said lost eyesight is restored many years later because of a heartfelt devotional song and the medical miracles of Shirdiwale Sai Baba. Watch form 4.10 to see miraculous restoration of eyesight.
This is epic WTF-ness. Start watching at 2.20 minutes to see Suresh Oberoi mourning his friend Mithun Chakraborty who has been murdered. Kader Khan has the bright idea of ‘transplanting’ Mithun’s brain so that the brain can reveal the identity of the murderer. Do watch: a surgery where what appears to be goat's brains is taken out, put on a tray, and into an oven with ice cubes labelled ‘DEEP FREEZE'. Then there is a bloodied heroine singing threateningly at some idol. She then conveniently proceeds to become injured and brain dead. Then there is another 'transplant' surgery after which the patient awakens with a new brain and a full head of hair. I kid you not.
In this scene, the balloon ends its life, and so does the frail little man on the bed. This has often been Bollywood’s idea of humour: unfunny and utterly tasteless. The makers of Diya aur Toofan clearly had zero f**ks to give.
At 6.45, Bollywood’s eternal dadaji Ashok Kumar announces that he has had a heart attack in this scene from Khubsoorat. When the doctor refuses to come, Rekha's character tears into him for being mercenary and hey presto ह्रदय परिवर्तन – the doctor, reminded of his medical oath hotfoots it to the patient's bedside and all is well.
Dhishoom features Sakib Salim as Viraj Sharma, star batsman who dislocates his shoulder diving to get inside his crease. He then ‘fixes’ his shoulder by – get this – banging it into a concrete wall – not kidding.
The braindead Anand bhai becomes responsive thanks to a new bed, haircut and personal attention. And then, the insistence on feeding through the mouth rather than intravenously, and a carom board miraculously cure pappa!
I could not end without my absolute fave scene from the movie Clerk. Here it is a patriotic song that cures a heart attack… because who needs medical attention when one has nationalistic fervour on one's side! Besides इन्हे दवा की नहीं, दुआ की ज़रुरत है – which he clearly had, with his doting family milling around!
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