Numerous skeletons fell out of the closet of Harvey Weinstein and the globally trending hashtag #MeToo drew attention to the sheer scale and magnitude of the problem of sexual harassment and abuse. This also started a conversation around sexual predators in Bollywood. The response to the #MeToo hashtag, many men expressed support, concern, even regret and promise of atonement.
Many men out there seemed genuinely troubled by so many women sharing their stories of being harassed, abused, stalked and assaulted. It was the mea culpa moment for many; #HowIWillChange was men expressing the resolve to be a better person in future. This is vital because men rarely call out harassment or abuse by other men. Either they ignore, actively protect or hide toxic male behavior; or refuse to acknowledge it for what it is.
Australian writer Benjamin Law initiated the #HowIWillChange hashtag to reach out to men. He tweeted a series of suggestions and promises such as “Pull up men I know on sexism & report them for rape. I have less to lose than women doing the same,” “Acknowledge that if all women I know has been sexually harassed, abused or assaulted, then I know perpetrators. Or am one,” and so on.
Many men could not be bothered to acknowledge how widespread the problem is or how women are hurt by it. Many actively disparaged it and dismissed it ‘male bashing’ by ‘feminazis’. Many men continued to be clueless about the aim of the whole exercise and offered excuses or sought to shift the blame. Some were perhaps too ashamed to publicly acknowledge their culpability.
But there were also many who came out with their own stories where they admitted to wrong doing, ignorance, connivance or the tacit support of toxic behavior and resolved to make a change for the better. Men listed positive changes that they were going to make in their lives and in the way they behaved with women; including calling out so-called ‘harmless behavior’.
There were so many men who had the maturity, insight and empathy to sympathise with women and the honesty to admit wrongs that they had committed; along with the resolve to change. However, the question begs to be asked – did they mean what they said? Would online promises translate into behavioral change?
Research shows that everyone lies online – they lie about their age, interests, activities, job, income, appearance and so on. It is the ‘online disihibition effect’ that so many people are more likely to lie on dating websites or online spaces that mask their identity. On the other hand, people are much less likely to fib on sites like Facebook where people tend to have more real world ties. But even here, people tend to be politically correct, lie by omission or try to present a less than accurate version of themselves to the world. In other words, we are all a little hypocritical on social media.
We only post our best pictures on Facebook don’t we? Similarly we will publicly support causes that we would like to be associated with, express opinions that show us in a positive light or views that show us as being progressive or enlightened. How many Indian men (and women as well it must be admitted) for instance will post on Facebook that they thought Pink was a terrific movie and yet continue to police women's activities, question their choice of clothing, and blame them for being in the wrong place at the wrong time? How many will publicly condemn harassment of women, but secretly believe that women should ‘know their place’ or explain away egregious behavior because ‘men will be men’?
Even as I whole heartedly welcome the #HowIWillChange promises made, I do wonder if this will bring about real change of any sort. Perhaps it will make a few people think, for some others, there could be moments of self realization or introspection. In some cases, there may be a much needed clarification of some basic concepts regarding what constitutes consent, the difference between harmless flirting and stalking and so on.
However, I will take all the confessions and promises with a healthy dose of salt – ultimately, injustice against women is about preserving male privilege. If I know anything about human nature, it is that we are loath to give up privilege – even when we see that we enjoy it at the cost of another human being.
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