I have always been conflicted around the issue of surrogacy. On the one hand, I see it as a form of exploitation where the wealthy can ‘rent a womb’ of any woman – someone desperate, or underprivileged or one looking to make a bit of money for whatever reason. On the other, it is a choice made by both parties – a mutually beneficial decision that I have no right to judge one way or the other. Priyanka Chopra recently had a baby via surrogacy. At the same time, Bangladeshi-origin writer Taslima Nasreen forcefully came out against the very concept of surrogacy.
Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas had a baby via surrogacy so of course this was big celebrity news… and of course people had their opinions on the choices that they made.
Fans of the celebrities and many others were happy for them. The arrival of a new baby is good news and for many it was just that – a moment of joy to be celebrated.
A lot of people still have a problem with the fact that a strong, confident woman made the choice to marry a man several years younger – because how dare she!
Why did the couple choose surrogacy? Were there fertility issues? Was it just busy schedules and privilege because of which they made this choice? People had many questions and even more opinions.
Some were relevant some were completely irrelevant and bizarre – like this one (how the process of birthing a baby is supposed to be similar to motorcycle acrobatics team is anyone’s guess).
Author Taslima Nasreen had this to say. She seems to have strong views and appears to find the concept of surrogacy repugnant. In another tweet, she said that her tweet was general in nature and not aimed at the celebrity couple.
This view holds that the desire to have a child of one’s own and to perpetuate one’s own genes, is narcissistic. As a mother of two, I cannot disagree – wanting to see myself in my child is, I admit, a form of narcissism. Adoption is a more moral choice; a more socially responsible decision for someone who wants to be a parent.
However I agree with this as well – what does a woman’s need to call herself a mother have to do with the actual pregnancy, the birthing process, and the inevitable pain involved in it all? Does the pain make a woman somehow more worthy to be a mother? Why should women be made to feel guilty or worthless if they make a choice that will save them pain – because let us face it, there is no painless way to give birth?
I do wish everyone – including other women like Taslima Nasreen – would stop judging and trolling women for the choices they make: women who choose to have a child via surrogacy and women who choose to be surrogates, biological mothers, adoptive mothers… everyone.
It doesn’t matter why Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas chose surrogacy and it doesn’t matter why a woman chose to be a surrogate for them. Is this baby going to be brought up with love and kindness and want for nothing? I think that is the only question that matters. Like most sensible people, I just wish the couple and their new baby happiness and joy – and not too many sleepless nights.
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