Have you ever watched a Himesh Reshammiya movie? Me neither. I feel that there is no need for a Himesh Reshammiya movie. At all. In the world. In fact I feel that the world can spin along quite merrily without a single Reshammiya movie ever being made; for any of many reasons; take your pick:
He cannot act
A hat stand has more personality; a wooden chair can emote better. Pouting is not acting. One wooden expression of wounded hurt is not tantamount to emoting. Going by the reviews of his most recent film, he cannot even fight. In Bollywood this is probably a bigger offence.
Six pack abs are not a substitute for acting
At first he was cherubic and round; now he is all chiseled and toned and cut. So?
The headgear
For a while, that cherubically round countenance was topped by headgear and hats of all sorts. Why? Was he hiding something or was it merely a misguided fashion statement?
The lack of headgear
The headgear was bad enough but then we saw the man foist himself on us in his various hirsute avatars: facial hair, bangs, no bangs, bouncy hair, floppy hair, gelled hair… et el.
The movies
Karzzz, Radio, A * is Killed, A New Love Ishtory (deliberate, not a typo) The Expose, Aap ka Suroor, Teraa Suroor…. We take a dim view of self delusion but Reshammiya doesn’t get that audiences have no interest in watching feature length self promotions of people with delusions of grandeur/talent.
Ice cream khaugi, Kashmir jaungi
This inexplicable and execrable song featured in one of his movies and is a crime against every recognised tenet of art and aesthetics. And this is not the only one either but my aesthetic sensibilities rebel against enumerating the others.
Big names do not help
He roped in Naseeruddin Shah and Shekhar Kopoor and Kabir Bedi for his last film, Teraaa Suroor. Various beautiful women also feature in his films; there mostly to convince us of his supposed magnetism and irresistible allure. We are not convinced; we’re just saying to Shah… Dude! What were you thinking!
He gets to sing
Over the years we have had to suffer his characteristic nasal voice and the rather unremarkable ditties he composes which met with bewildering success. We were amazed but we did not grudge him his musical success. Rejoice in it, do! Just don’t act.
Author – Reena Daruwalla
