So you're expecting your little bundle of joy and you imagine that your life henceforth will be a lovely journey of loving hugs and the delightful experiences of parenthood. Yes some people will laughingly welcome you to the club of the sleep-deprived but you’ve probably brushed them aside; you're going to parent like a boss! All I can politely say is, haha and proceed to issue these warnings:
Newborn babies can be… Well rather strange looking: wrinkled, with a strangely shaped head, gangly limbs… not pretty! During the first hours of life, the baby will cry and sleep. You will wait for him or her to pass meconium (yes your baby’s first BM is a big event) show signs of being human. What’s to love!
You’re contemplating how difficult can it be! Lie down, shut eyes. But for your overtired and bewildered baby, it’s not that simple. They have to be calmed, changed, fed, rocked, lulled and nursed to sleep. Babies are daft. The baby books won’t tell you that, but it’s true.
So you expected the first smile at 4 weeks, the roll over at a few months, sitting up at 7, the first step at 12? Don’t. Kids do things at their own speed; they will not be rushed.
Breastfed babies may poop once a week or 5 times in a single day. This may scare you shitless; but both are perfectly normal.
You cannot go to the bathroom in peace. You cannot shower when you want. At some point washing your face and brushing your teeth may have to be scheduled. And time to yourself? That probably won’t happen until that kid is off to a hostel.
You are extremely deluded. Your baby is training you. Eventually you will work around your baby's schedule: wake up at 11 AM, a meal at noon, 1 PM, 3 PM and again at 4 PM, colic sharp at 8 in the evening (every ****ing evening) and one straight hour of inconsolable crying, most charming and playful between 2 and 4 AM… you get the picture.
The grandparents want the baby to be named for their raashi, you want a name with A (because of school roll numbers, you know), your spouse wants something 'hat ke' (read unpronounceable) the aunts have their two bits… as for the actual naamkaran, your baby is going to be really miserable on the day.
You will have the most fun of your life! You will be rewarded and delighted by something new every day… a smile, a new skill, a new milestone, something so funny that you will post it on Facebook instantly! Being a parent may be the hardest job in the world, but it is also the most fulfilling and rewarding!
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