Matrimonial ads are interesting and revealing of the people who place these ads. Indian matrimonial ads are in a class of their own; incredibly precise and fine tuned as to requirements: colour, age, caste, sub-caste, gotra, location, height, job, skill set and bunch of other criteria. Here’s a look at some unintentionally funny matrimonial adverts and a few tongue in cheek ones that are meant to be funny:
The ads are typically organised by religion, caste and sub caste as well as by profession, NRI status and other very precise details. Many will mention date and time of birth – you know for the all important kundli match (more Indian marriages are made in the numerological and astrological universe than in heaven).
“Innocent divorcé” is a strange but common term in Indian matrimonial ads. This speaks to the continuing stigma against divorce and divorcés in our country. It could also be a coy reference to virginity (something else that many families place a huge premium on) or to an unconsummated marriage. And just to be clear, ‘issueless’ doesn’t mean that this person has no problems in life; it merely means the person has no encumbrances in the form of any inconvenient offspring from the previous relationship.
Ads seeking suitable brides can be very regressive – the women have to not only be fair, slim, good looking but also docile homemakers who will do the bidding of her in laws. Many women however have no patience with such demands. In fact they have demands of their own: no mama’s boys, men who share child rearing responsibilities, no restrictions regarding career or clothing choices and so on.
This would be groom has absolutely no compunction in marrying for money. Apparently this Pakistani man is educated but jobless; honest but lonely. Country no bar; previous matrimonial history irrelevant he specifies. He also sees fit to mention that disability is not a deal breaker either. Generous of him!
Usually Indian mothers can see no fault in their dear darling sons. But this mother is rather brutal. In the guise of a matrimonial ad, she lists everything that she thinks is wrong with her own son and also the whole matchmaking enterprise in general.
This guy doesn’t ask for much: he wants a bubbly Tamil girl who is not a Facebook user. Burnt your fingers on social media, boy?
Her personality should be whimsical and she should have coarse hands. Her hair colour is also a precise requirement as are her whistling skills. A strangely definite list of requirements; particularly when all this guy has to offer is the ability to rake and bag leaves!
Apparently the seven cats are vital to mention in the general scheme of things. But what is more interesting is that said cat owner wants to speak about intimacy with a professor type person who ‘hasn’t been with a woman in years’. Desperation on both sides it would seem!
Kinky, naughty, pathetic, exuberant! These adverts are all this and also uproariously funny! Don’t know if I’d want to meet any of these in person, though.
Families are very precise about the type of grooms and brides they want. How about some wholesome, progressive change in attitudes instead? How about divorcing our old, regressive, narrow attitudes and accepting a more inclusive and diverse world view where colour, caste, creed, religion, food choices, language are no bar to embrace a new individual into the fold of a family? Now that would be a union devoutly to be wished for!
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