A feminist is a woman or a man who believes in the equality of the sexes – social, political and economic and who believes that this is both desirable and worth striving for. Earlier a meninist was a term used to describe a man who supports feminism. Now however the term is used to describe men who oppose and mock feminists; who feel that they have been victimised by feminists and the movement.
There are men who feel deeply aggrieved by what they claim is women’s oppression of men. We do in fact hear about some cases of women or their families filing false complaints relating to crimes such as dowry harassment, rape, domestic abuse. Though these are rare cases and in a majority of cases women don’t actually report crimes they have been subjected to, many men feel that they have a valid case of disgruntlement. Men who feel victimised have various rationalizations for why women are to blame.
While on the one hand, men feel that their own privileges have gotten eroded over the ages, they feel that society does not have the same expectations of women that it does of men. For instance, men are expected to be tougher, to do well in their career, to be higher achievers and family bread winners. If they are unable to manage, society and their families tend to think less of them. This is true and society does not have the same expectation of women (which is actually part of the problem and one of the reasons why we need feminism).
If the media and fashion world pressure women to look a certain way, they do the same to men. There are certain pressures and expectations of men to look a certain way. Of course this is in no way equal to the kind of pressures that women face: the pressure to be a certain size, to be dressed in the latest fashions, to wear uncomfortably high heeled shoes, to be perfectly groomed, never to fart or belch in public. So if men feel aggrieved they do have some justification; but very little justification; truth be told.
Here as well, I will agree in part with the men who feel aggrieved. Some people do tend to tar all men by the same brush though and though there are many perfectly decent, loving and wonderful men around. That said, so many men are responsible to such much ass hattery that women could be forgiven for being wary of men in general. But guys were upset enough to trend #BlameOneNotAll and #NotAllMen on social media; completely missing the irony in the fact that they were patting themselves on the back simply for being decent, normal humans instead of complete douches.
Meninists are convinced that feminism is about man hating. They are convinced that the feminist movement is only about disenfranchising men and about snatching away their rights. Unfortunately for these men, the achievement of equality by one does mean the erosion of their privilege. Men have been so conditioned to be the gender in charge that they are unable to differentiate between privilege and right.
While it is true that some legal provisions are designed with women in mind: there is no law for Adam teasing for instance, though there is one for eve teasing. However, it is also true that they refuse to accept certain facts: that an overwhelming majority of violent and sexual crimes are committed by men. The glass ceiling does in fact exist and women are in fact paid less than men – a cursory look at statistics and at women in positions of power in business, politics or any sphere emphatically proves this.
It is important for men to recognise not only their own entrenched privilege; which has existed for millennia now but also to recognise how disenfranchised women are. It is important to understand that their sense of victimhood is not only false it is nothing but a convenient fig leaf to hide their resentment and misogyny. Not understanding what women are fighting for and blaming women for everything that goes wrong in their lives can have disastrous consequences.
I acknowledge the fact that women such as me are not only privileged but also very fortunate. The vast majority of women in my country, however, cannot dream of the kind of economic independence, social respect, familial love and support that I enjoy. I merely want men to ponder on this fact; to acknowledge their privilege the way I do my own.
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