Ghosting was something to do with poor TV reception and the annoying, shadowy double image that destroyed the TV viewing experience in the old days. Now ghosting means something entirely different: when someone in a relationship breaks off all contact with their significant other without reason or explanation. If that sounds awful and cowardly, there is more! We now have ‘orbiting’ which seems to be the sinister cousin of ghosting. Here is everything you wanted to know about ghosting and orbiting and also about benching and breadcrumbing
Dictionary.com defines it as “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication”. It is an extreme version of giving someone the silent treatment or the cold shoulder. Psychologists and other experts view this as a form of passive aggressive emotional abuse.
It is the same as ghosting but with an added creepy dimension. The ghoster (the dumper or the person who ended the relationship) still stalks the ghostee (the dumpee or their ex) on social media, follows their posts on social media, checks out their Instagram stories and so on. So they are around, but there is still no direct communication. So is orbiting about power and manipulation, is it a sign of regret and a subsequent reaching out? Or is it just stupidity?
So if the ghoster broke off all contact and then later liked some pictures on social media; that is orbiting. One could say orbiting or one could say mutual stalking; potato, potaato.
There is something strangely obsessive in the behavior that ignores direct messages but continues to watch everything. So when one is 'orbiting', one is “close enough to see each other; far enough to never talk”.
FOMO or fear of missing out guides the actions of many. Perhaps the dumper wants to keep checking on their ex to make sure that they're not having too good of a time without them? Perhaps. The whole things sounds twisted enough.
This is also something that those in the dating scene need to beware about: someone throwing the social media equivalent of breadcrumbs at a person. It’s never much; it’s just enough to keep them hooked and interested but never requires much effort. Its "the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal text messages (i.e breadcrumbs') to members of the opposite sex in order to lure a sexual partner without expending much effort." Apparently this is also known as Hansel and Gretelling: a way to offer someone hope that may well be dashed.
Online dating apps are thought to be responsible for this trend (and probably all the other dubious ones above as well) in which a person blows hot and then blows cold. The ‘bencher’ interacts enough to keep the other person engaged, but also keeps their other options open. Apparently dating apps offer so many choices and possibilities, that it’s difficult to choose and to make up one's mind!
Clearly dating is complicated; a tough row to hoe! Many poor tortured souls echo the immortal words of the Backstreet Boys; who, years ago warbled quit playing games with my heart…
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