I recently came across a picture on social media – a woman making rotis. Not unusual except that she seems to be on oxygen as she does this and the caption says “Unconditional love = *MOTHER* she is never off duty”. This simply enraged me. This is yet another way to glorify the drudgery women undergo every day to somehow present her lack of choice as love. I am far from the only one who reacted like this on social media. However, there were other reactions as well:
Remember the perpetually suffering ‘khansti hui maa’ of old Bollywood movies who would feel compelled to do stuff for the family supposedly out of love? That trope of motherhood isn't just a part of our movies but of our society and it has been glorified to the detriment of women and their wellbeing.
This is obviously a very sick woman if she is hooked up to oxygen but here she is making rotis. Apparently, this is ‘unconditional love’ and ‘duty’, according to some.
According to some, it is perfectly fine if a very sick woman is slaving over a stove so that her ‘son and husband’ can have healthy food to eat (it is presumed that she wouldn’t be doing this for a daughter).
People on social media were annoyed. They noted the fact that this obviously sick woman feels compelled to cook for people in the house – including someone who is obviously well enough to take a picture.
Oxygen supply so close to an open flame? A sick woman making meals for the family and potentially passing on her infection? Some had these concerns.
Maybe kids are small. Maybe others in the family are also sick, suggested some.
This is actually ‘glorifying misery’ as standup comic Navin Naronha put it.
This commentator makes a valid point: that the other members of the family seem so inept and useless that a woman this sick feels the need to take care of them.
Many proffer specious reasons for this: women can multitask, they are superwomen, they are strong, they have tremendously high pain thresholds. They do because they can, apparently.
Does she want to be off duty? Does she need it? How about asking the woman instead of putting her on a pedestal and expecting her to be some kind of long-suffering saint? Even if this woman felt it was her ‘duty’ how was her family so heartless and so incredibly dense as to let her endanger herself like this? Should we not be thinking about how problematic it is that so many women seem to draw their self-worth only from what they can do for their families? Isn't it sad that so many women are conditioned to think that they must only live to serve others and never live for themselves?
Some questioned the veracity of the image of the woman cooking while on oxygen. As of now, there doesn’t appear to be any clear source of the image nor its authenticity. However, this image perfectly demonstrates how women suffer in the name of ‘love’, ‘duty’, ‘caring’. Sacrifice is a synonym for love here. The fact is, that these expectations are so internalised that the woman feels that she needs to look after the family no matter what. It stems from the societal expectations of a woman being the caregiver in the family regardless of her professional demands or health issues. This is nothing but glorified drudgery --- though many would choose to make themselves feel better about it by choosing to call it love or duty.
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