The issue of sexual harassment of men tends to be laughed off. It is assumed that if a woman makes advances, these are always welcome by men. This of course misses the fundamental point about sexual harassment – it isn’t just about gender; it is as much about power. A recent clip of a Korean reporter being kissed and hugged on camera by two women centres attention around this thorny discussion and asks, why sexual harassment of men doesn’t get either the attention or the sympathy that women's sexual harassment gets.
The reporter is speaking when two random women come into the frame, hug and kiss him on the cheek one after another. He laughs in the end. Is that laughter born out of amusement at what can be seen as the playful display of affection? Or is that laughter an embarrased response to the feeling of helpless anger at being touched and kissed against his will; of feeling violated?
This is being seen as textbook sexual harassment by many. They feel that when it is men who are subjected to harassment this is not taken seriously – it is either laughed off or the man is actually subjected to ridicule for ‘making an issue of it’.
There was an outrage at cricketer Chris Gayle propositioning a female reporter on TV – first asking her out for a drink and then saying ‘don’t blush baby’ and then laughing. The reporter is seen to take it in her stride, but it had to be a needlessly embarrassing moment for her. Either this was sexual harassment, or this was Chris Gayle being exceptionally obnoxious.
There are those who say that the girls were just being friendly and affectionate and high spirited – the kissing was just spontaneous. There are also those who say he enjoyed it, so it’s OK. The issue here however is that of consent and being made to feel powerless. The Korean reporter could have felt powerless and objectified – in the same way as the reporter propositioned by Chris Gayle. And don't we speak in one voice against victim shaming/ blaming in cases of female sexual harassment? Why do we have any less sympathy or show any less support for men who are subjected to this sort of harassment?
It’s clear that reactions to harassment of men and women evoke vastly different responses. Some reasons for this are justifiable: statistics show that many more women than men are sexually harassed and the power dynamic is likelier to be in favour of the man in a majority of cases. It is also true that men are physically bigger and stronger than women and hence tend to evoke less sympathy – they are likely to get the ‘I’m sure he can handle the situation’ type of response.
But then there are other reasons why so many people think it’s OK for women to behave in a way that would be considered unacceptable for a man. A man is supposed to be a sexual being; a predator, strong and macho – he is supposed to revel in the advances made by a woman, not complain against them. There is also the fact that women are seen as fragile and vulnerable; the ‘damsel in distress’ to be ‘protected’ and ‘saved’. This gendered behaviour is so deeply ingrained that it colours our reactions and our behaviour in such situations. We tend to see these through the lens of gender rather than that of power.
The Korean reporter may well have felt flattered that two pretty women came and hugged and kissed him. He may have felt embarrassed and flustered at the interruption while he was doing his job. Each could be a possibility. But we have to understand that he may also have felt violated and disturbed. His being male doesn’t mean he is not vulnerable. It does not mean he isn’t supposed to have a choice in who touches him. It means that those girls who kissed him need to find other ways to express their happiness, high spirits or whatever it was. His being male doesn’t alter the definition of consent.
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