When it comes to gender equality, we have progressed significantly as a society in recent times. However, we still have a long way to go. Those who argue that gender parity is achieved are unfortunately deluding themselves. Gender roles are still very clearly defined in our society. The male is still the primary wage earner; the woman is still the primary caregiver for the family.
Men and women are still treated differently because of their gender. There are certain preconceptions and assumptions made based on nothing but gender. A simple experiment proved clearly that we are still quite a way away from gender parity.
In a series of tweets, writer-editor at an entertainment publication, Martin Schneider shared a story about his own experiences. His co-worker Nicole was always accused of being a slow worker by their boss and Schneider soon realised why.
Schneider had been exchanging emails with a client and found that the client was being ‘impossible’ that he was “rude, dismissive, ignoring my questions.” The client also made excuses for his own behaviour and seemed to be criticising Schneider’s professional knowledge. Then Schneider noticed something – he had been using a shared inbox and he had been inadvertently been signing all his communications as ‘Nicole’. So the client had been communicating with (he thought) Nicole.
Martin Schneider realised that the client was being rude not to him but to Nicole. So he decided to conduct a little experiment. He emailed the client saying that this was Martin and that he was taking over the project from Nicole. He noticed an immediate, positive change in the way the client responded now. He became courteous, prompt and appreciative. Schneider pointed out: “My technique and advice never changed. The only difference was that I had a man's name now.”
Martin and Nicole went ahead with this experiment, signing each other's emails for a week. Nicole found her work became easier; Martin noticed that the opposite was true. This resonated with hundreds if not thousands of women professionals who have had similar experiences: of being demeaned, having their ideas dismissed, denied opportunities or talked down to --- simply because of their gender.
When Nicole and Martin spoke to their boss about this, the boss did not believe them. It made Nicole wonder: “What did my boss have to gain by refusing to believe that sexism exists?” This is something that I often wonder about myself: why do men refuse to acknowledge how skewed and unjust the situation is? Why are men so angry and defensive about feminism?
A recent comment I posted beneath a YouTube video started a conversation that was very revealing to me. My comment was something to effect that women still function within patriarchal social structures; their aspirations circumscribed by systems created by and for men. Four men responded. The responses ranged from mansplaining (because how could I, a woman understand the complexity of the situation) to indignation (why weren't women grateful for the freedoms they now enjoy) to resentment (look at all the special privileges you get: seat reservation etc.).
Now I get some of the angst that men experience – there are certain expectations of men that people don’t typically tend to have from women. Men are expected to provide for their families, to be strong, capable problem-solvers in control of their emotions. Families and societies tend not to have these expectations of women. So yes, being a man is not without certain inherent problems; we women get that.
However, to think that patriarchy has been defeated is so unrealistic as to be laughable. To say that gender parity has been achieved is deluded. To imagine that the world has moved beyond the need for feminism; that meninism is now the need of the hour is to completely lose sight of reality. The first step towards redressing the still deeply unequal gender equation is for men to acknowledge ubiquitous male privilege and to become willing to relinquish some of that privilege in the interests of equality.
Because gender parity benefits not only women but men as well. Toxic masculinity thrives on inequality – remember this toxicity is as damaging for men as it is for women.
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