In my recent interactions on social media I've encountered strong indignation from my male friends and relatives when discussing the #MeToo movement. And I get it. These are perfectly decent guys who genuinely respect women and cannot comprehend what they see as a new and unreasoning sense of victimhood in women. Men are no longer sure how to interact with women; are apprehensive about what could be called out as inappropriate behaviour or even harassment. The surge of the #MeTooIndia movement which now names and shames so many has in fact been difficult for many to understand.
This is my Facebook post from a few days ago. It seemed to really irritate several men whom I know to be genuinely clued in about gender equality. Feminism has been a long and sustained movement which these men have probably supported hitherto. But then #MeToo happened; and then there was #MeTooIndia and these guys decided that things that just gone too far. This time around, we are calling out not just sexual harassment but disrespectful behaviour as a wider phenomenon. #MeTooIndia is suddenly bringing about so many sweeping changes in attitudes in what is and isn’t acceptable that it has become difficult to comprehend.
So here’s the thing: when a person in a position of power treats subordinates – men or women – with contempt and disparagement that subordinate feels worthless, vulnerable and helpless. It is important to keep in mind that it is usually men in positions of power and women in subordinate roles, which is why this is becoming a women versus men issue. It isn't however. This is about men in positions of power and authority who will now have to realise that belittling and dismissing women simply because they are women will no longer be tolerated - personally and professionally. Men don’t seem to realise the helpless rage that women experience being at the receiving end of such behavior.
You may not want to call it sexual harassment, but it is harassment of a kind. It is gendered behavior that needs unlearning. Making lewd jokes, gestures or derogatory comments and expecting a woman to put up with it will no longer be OK. To be clear, if a man thought it was OK to call a woman a ‘stupid bitch’ he now has to realise that this is no longer OK.
Many men and women are citing this post as a way to counter women coming out with accusations of sexual harassment many years after the incident(s). This is classic example of privilege being unable to comprehend how the powerless are targeted. This woman speaks about “strong women” and talks about quick and just retaliation. Good for her! She had the strength or external support or the courage of her own convictions that helped her react the way she did.
Most people in subordinate roles do not have this luxury. They may have professional compulsions. They may experience feelings of shame and hesitancy born out of knowing that a complaint or accusation would be met with disbelief and ridicule. They may well know that others around would react predictably with the countercharge of overreaction/hysteria/an overactive imagination. There are many, many reasons victims don’t complain and just remain silent, until many years later, the find the strength to speak out, either because they are professionally well placed or derive courage from others around who are narrating similar experiences as them.
Don’t be an asshole. This is a simple thing to remember – for men and for women. #MeTooIndia has become a movement that seeks to create safer workplaces not just for women but also men. It is about those in positions of power and authority no longer being permitted to misuse their power to exploit, harass or intimidate. Meanwhile there is some bewilderment, some amount of doubt. This is unfortunate. What is clear however, is that the rules are being rewritten. The new rules will hopefully make workplaces (and by an extension society as a whole) more egalitarian, respectful and safer.
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