I received a photo along with a caption via WhatsApp yesterday. It featured an old woman hugging a young girl, both clearly emotional. The caption was about an old woman being left in an old age home and her granddaughter discovering her there, resulting in an emotional reunion. For some reason I had an inkling that this is not the whole story. The reality is a bit different, but that is not even the point. The point of the photo is that it earned immediate censure and disapproval from people who were happy to forward the picture as evidence of heartless society of ungrateful families who abandon older people.
The photo is that of Bhakti who was supposedly horrified to discover that her grandmother was in an old age home, presumably thanks to the callousness of the little girl’s parents. The photo went viral on social media.
Predictably there were sanctimonious comments that said ‘shame on such people’ about the lamentable lack of ‘sanskar’, about taking pledges to care for the elderly and so on. Also, predictably the photo was retweeted by many including this famous cricketer.
In a video shot at a Vriddhashram in Ghodasar, Ahmedabad, the reporter found that the picture is about 11 years old. Bhakti, the girl in the picture (now grown up) clarified that she was indeed surprised to meet her grandmother in the old age home but that her grandmother was living there of her own wish. The grandmother, Damyanti confirms this; saying that she went to the home of her own accord; where she is staying peacefully; where the family visits her. This was her wish and the home is now her other family says the granddaughter.
The grandmother goes ahead to say that the relationship is still the same; that her son calls everyday. The granddaughter says that her dadi comes over for festivals and that the two are still very close. The family seems at pains to clarify that this is not a case of abandonment; that Bhakti’s father should not be maligned.
There are several assumptions made here: very idea that an elderly person is placed in care means that people instantly assume that this is dereliction of duty, callousness and ingratitude. The other assumption is that older people can only be happy and cared for by family, whereas there could be cases where senior citizens such as Damyanti choose to be self-reliant and to live in a community among others of their age. The comments below the BBC video suggest that most people continue to think of the grandmother and granddaughter as unhappy victims; making no space for even the possibility that the elderly woman could know her mind and may have made her own decisions.
In many cases, older people with special needs or mobility issues may be more comfortable and better cared for in a place properly equipped for them. The whole idea of old age homes as sad places where abandoned inmates wait for death is sometimes perpetuated by Bollywood, but isn’t necessarily true. Older people may not move to live with their children and may want to enjoy the support and camaraderie of their adopted homes. Besides, families have their own realities and compulsions within which they have to manage. Onlookers cannot be privy to those. Wouldn’t we do better to develop some empathy and not simply judge?
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