We tend to think of sexual harassment as a uniquely female problem – however there is more to it that that. The fact is that men are sexually harassed too, but many of us don’t acknowledge this as a problem, choosing not to speak about this. This is one double standard that works against the male gender because there is the presumption that there can only be one gender that harasses and one that is harassed. This actually serves to silence a significant social problem as this 19-year-old bouncer pointed out, after being repeatedly groped by women:
Women being groped in public places, sexually harassed, and attacked are common. We don’t hear about sexual assault of males as much, However experiences of this 19-year-old club bouncer should give us pause to think. In a TikTok video, he speaks about his experiences with women frequently groping and touching him inappropriately. He speaks about how often he is subjected to such behaviour, especially from women who have had too much to drink and about how annoying this type of behaviour is.
There is this flawed assumption in our society that the male is always the predator and the woman always his victim. The assumption is that while men can sexually assault women, the reverse cannot be true as this social experiment video demonstrated. There is also the other flawed assumption that men are supposed to enjoy sexual advances from women; and that complaining about this is somehow not ‘manly’. It is a fact that a double standard exists here – we call out men who harass women, but we see women harassing men as somehow benign and harmless. It is not, .
The vital point here is that of consent. There is the assumption that men will welcome sexual advances from women because of biological and social reasons. This is far from the truth. Any person who has their bodily integrity invaded without consent is going to feel violated – man or woman. It is a mixture of feelings a woman experiences when she is groped in a public space or when an importunate boss makes demands. There are feelings of rage, helplessness, shame – it can be very traumatic, and it is important to understand that men can and do experience this as well.
Harassment has to do with power – it is about one person exerting their power upon another. While traditionally, men have been in positions of power with women in subordinate roles, this has been changing. Earlier, it was the archetypal male boss and the female secretary, but this workplace dynamic has altered. A woman in a powerful position vis-à-vis a man can as easily be the harasser as well: suggestive comments, inappropriate touching, making sexual advances. These are all inappropriate and exploitative by virtue of the power imbalance. Studies show that male sexual harassment has been on the rise in recent times.
As a society we have to recognise that men can be sexually assaulted and that they experience many of the same consequences as women who have been similarly assaulted. There can be feelings of shame, self-doubt, anxiety, feeling out of control, relationship problems, worries about being disbelieved or ridiculed or apprehensions about professional setbacks. Things are further complicated by the fact that while women may receive a fair hearing, men complaining of sexual assault may not be taken as seriously. Men face the unique challenge of being laughed at or being seen as ‘not man enough’ because of the expectation of gendered behaviour in our society. Their sexuality and sexual orientation may be questioned and may become the butt of jokes. The fact is that there are certain social expectations; things that are considered male behaviour or female behaviour – unlearning these could help us approach the problem with some clarity and sensitivity.
People who have been subjected to sexual assault deserve attention and empathy and access to processes of recourse – one’s gender isn’t a determinant here – or at least it shouldn’t be.
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