There are a lot of things that men do without thinking, which women cannot think of doing: such as walking down a lonely unlit road late at night without worrying. Or such as going through life without being groped while travelling by public transport. Or such as being cat-called indecently any number of times. Such as being propositioned – as in this video. There is a lot that happens to women; that men are simply unaware of and this video is just one example:
Feminist author Jessica Valenti shared this video of a girl who is browsing through some clothing and is approached by a man. She is trying to fob him off politely but the man is persistent. He offers to buy something for her, she tells him she is just 17; even asking her to come home on some pretext. You can tell the girl is uncomfortable, maybe even scared, but that seems to make no difference to the guy.
The girl is trying very hard to say no while making sure that the man doesn’t get pissed off. The problem is that women have to be polite because they run the risk of an angry, possibly violent reaction if they rudely tell a guy to get lost as they may instinctively want to.
For a lot of men, knowledge that a girl is actually underage is no discouragement. For some, the very youth of the girl may bring out their worst predatory instincts.
This isn't just a guy harassing a young girl. It is also a guy enjoying the fact that the girl is helpless and feels compelled to be polite with him.
While men are harassed as well, it is nowhere near as routinely as women are. Most men don’t feel the need to be on their guard the way women have to be. This male commentator also noted how, the harasser in the video keeps up a façade of being ‘nice’ and polite so that he could defend himself if he were called out for his behaviour.
This commentator's suggestion is a part of the problem. Unfortunately, for a lot of men, it isn't the woman's own feelings that matter, but the feelings of some other man/men in her life. The mindset that a woman is somehow ‘fair game’ if she is unattached is a problem because it takes no notice of a woman's own wishes and does not understand consent.
As this commentator says, it is infuriating that women have to give the excuse of other men in their life to get rid of harassers.
There is a risk assessment that women make before they do something – travel, take public transport, go to a party, take up a job, speak to a stranger, get into a lift, park a car in a lonely basement… anything really. Women often end up making their choices; often choosing not to do stuff they want to or need to – simply based on this risk assessment.
This is something that so many women identified with. I myself did. I was 12 years old and fixing my cycle chain on my way back from school when I was propositioned for the first time. I came home trembling and in tears. It was a long time before I could go out on my cycle again. So yes, this video of a 17-year-old being propositioned in a clothing store is something that millions of other women and I identify with – unfortunately.
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