What do women want? More particularly, what more do women want, a lot of men seem to be asking. Much is changing and it is understandable that men are rather forcibly being asked to confront their own privilege and to accept a changing status quo. For ages now, men were used to having economic and decision making power in homes and outside. Now that women are asking for the same, it can be understandably bewildering for men and yes, a lot of women too – because change of any sort can be difficult.
The female child is still secondary. Sports are for boys. Girls have to ‘behave’, act with propriety and decorum. They have to dress in ways others dictate. The high achievers are supposed to be men. Women can be mothers, but it’s better if they are somehow invisible. Women must always strive to look young, well-groomed and attractive. The fact is that society rarely if ever has these expectations of men. Gender roles and expectations are still very much the reality as this Vivo ad shows.
One of my fave podcasters, Amit Varma often speaks about how there is this extra layer of care women have to take in every sphere of life. Self-aware men know how different it is for men and women navigating the world. Women have to think twice about their clothing choices, places they visit, what time they step out, walking down a lonely road or even entering a lift. But it is more than just safety issues that limit women. The fact is that women simply do not have the kind of opportunities and choices that men have – this is what women - and enlightened men - are looking to change.
It is true that women have far more choices and freedoms than they did before, but there are still so many opportunities that are denied to women that are automatically presented to men. For instance, when I got married, I had to give up my career in law. Yes, it was a choice I made consciously and willingly at the time. However, I had to choose between a family and a career – my husband did not have to make such a choice. It is another matter that I was able to foray into freelance writing later… I was lucky – or perhaps just more determined. The fact is that most women are denied such choices and opportunities… still.
The fact is that gender expectations often hurt men as well. For instance, a man is expected to be the breadwinner for the family. He will typically be made to feel humiliated for losing his job or for being unable to earn ‘enough’. Also, a man rarely has the option of being a homemaker or being a caregiver in the home. If a man chooses to do this while his partner goes out and works, this will also earn him social censure and mockery from the family.
When women are kept out of the workforce – because the family won’t allow it; deeming it unnecessary, this doesn't just disempower women. It also hurts society as a whole. The Labour Force Participation Rate of women currently is just 18.6% compared to 55.6% for men. So when only one-third of women compared to men are able to earn, this is actually lost productivity – imagine the value creation that society is losing out on.
Maybe this Women’s Day we can inch a little closer to changing mindsets. Maybe we can develop the mindset that will ask a simple question each time there is a question involving a woman. Would the answer be the same if it was a man we were speaking about? Can we try and apply to our daily lives this old idiom – what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander?
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