Indian men troubled by their wives/ex wives have organised themselves into a group called the Save Indian Family Foundation (SIFF). To celebrate the tenth anniversary of their organisation, 150 men proceeded to Varanasi to perform the ‘shraadh’ or last rites of their estranged wives. They also performed the ‘pishachini mukti puja’ for their former wives so that they could be rid of the ‘baggage’ of a bad relationship and the traumatic memories of the marriage. What is SIFF and do these men have legitimate grievances?
saveindianfamily.org is the organisation’s website; with the tagline “men are vulnerable too”, offering recourse to abused and battered men. SIFF aims to create awareness about men being subjected to human rights and civil liberties violations in the name of women’s empowerment. They campaign for gender neutral laws, to end the misuse of laws and provide emotional recourse and support for men with marital issues.
The organisation points out statistics to substantiate their claim of male victimisation: three times as many men die of suicide, road accidents and murders as do women (probably because perpetrators are also largely male, but let’s leave that aside for a moment). They also point to laws such as the dowry law that is misused to harass men and their families.
They contrast the fact that there are typically large fund allocations for preventing domestic abuse against women with the fact that there is little or no such allocation for men who are subjected to domestic abuse. It is the organisation’s view that society is not so much male dominated as ‘Alpha male dominated’. It is their view that the men in positions of power are few in number and that the rest of the male population is actually subjected to discrimination.
Many of the grievances listed are likely genuine. There are men who are harassed and abused. There are those who have certain laws misused against them. It is also a fact that society takes male abuse less seriously and that there is very little acknowledgement of the fact that our overwhelmingly patriarchal society is also harmful for the mindsets of men and boys. The problem with organisations like SIFF however is their inability to understand feminism and their overt hostility towards feminists. They don’t understand that feminism is not about male hating or male bashing. There is a laughable, deeply paranoid but strongly held victim-view here, that feminism is about trying to transform men into second class citizens. This view cannot grasp the fact that feminism is not about snatching power, but about restoring it.
Two laws are typically proffered as examples of how Indian laws are skewed in favour of women: the adultery law and the dowry law (and reserved seats in public transport; because that is apparently a huge deal). The fact that there is no specific law to protect husbands from domestic violence, whereas there one for women’s protection is the clincher.
It is incredible that we still have an adultery law; even more incredible that it gives the ‘aggrieved’ husband the right to file a complaint against the man who is having adulterous relations with his wife. If adultery charges are found to be true, the man will be punished and not the erring wife. Two things are noteworthy here: the wife doesn’t have recourse…she cannot file an adultery complaint if her husband is having an adulterous relationship (with a man or a woman). Secondly, punishment for adultery is doled out under the assumption that a wife having an extramarital affair is an affront to the husband for which he must have redress.
Yes it is misused; as is any other law in India. It is misused not just by women but by men as well. That said, the law remains largely in the statute books. The fact is that though giving or taking or dowry is illegal, ‘gifts’ in cash, kind or property continue to be demanded by the groom’s family and given by the bride's family. Not only is the practice of dowry condoned; is also explained away as tradition and therefore a somehow benign practice. This is a fact. It is also a fact that when legitimate dowry complaints are made, the police often refuse to register FIRs, saying these are domestic issues that they cannot interfere with. It is also a fact that there are loopholes in the law that the groom’s family can and do take advantage of. It is also true that women’s dowry deaths are still a grim reality in our country and that the conviction rate is an abysmal 34.7% out of all reported cases.
It is not out of place to make mention of yet another archaic law on our statute books: the restitution of conjugal rights law. Not only does our law not recognize marital rape it actually makes it possible for ‘conjugal rights’ to be enforced!
There are plenty of organisations that offer women support; organisations such as SIFF want to do the same for men. Fair enough. They want to make abuse laws gender neutral. Also good; in fact desirable for society as a whole. I'm also with them when they say those who misuse laws must be punished. Certainly. When we have such a law in India, it must also be applied to dowry laws (the puritanical adultery and restitution of conjugal rights laws must be done away with altogether).
However, to see men generally as victims in India is a bit of a stretch. If these guys get real about their victimhood and try not to indulge in laughable practices like the ‘pishachini mukti’ ceremony in Varanasi, they will have a more sympathetic ear for their causes.
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